After finishing up with chemo in late September, I shaved my head once more to be Walter White for Halloween, and my hair has grown in once more, thick and lustrous. It’s finally to a point where it looks like a haircut on purpose, like a cute pixie cut.
And now it’s time for it to fall out again. I was told I would lose my hair about two weeks after the augmented ICE chemotherapy, and sure enough, it’s time. I just realized I won’t have to pack shampoo for my next hospital stay.
My scalp aches. It’s as if I can feel each follicle letting go of its hair. This happened with the ABVD chemo as well. Although with the lower dose chemo, the hair loss was gradual—until one day I noticed my hair was too thin to keep.
I had wondered if my hair loss would happen all at once with the high-dose chemo, and it pretty much is. If I reach up and tug at the back of my scalp, I can pull out a handful of hair. It’s been perversely tempting to do so, but I don’t need to develop any more nervous habits. (Or maybe I do need a new one to break me of biting my nails.) I’m pretty sure I could just wash my hair away in a few days. But I’m worried I’ll end up looking like Smigel.
So I’ll probably have to shave my head for the third time tomorrow or Monday.
What makes me a little nervous is that when it does come back, some time in April or May, it’s probably going to be a different color or texture. I hope it doesn’t turn white, like Moses after talking to the burning bush. (Actually, I just looked that up and it’s not a Bible fact, but I saw that Charlton Heston movie a lot as a kid.) I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what happens.
I do know I’m going to keep it short once it comes back in. I don’t even have any interest in wearing my long wig. All these years I’ve based my hairstyle on what I thought would look best and be easiest to take care of, and i thought that was long and straight. Now that I’ve found a hairstyle with even less maintenance is available to me, I can’t go back to anything else.
So long, hair, it’s been fun. See you again in the spring!